Why does it still hurt after all these years? Why can’t the adult in me just see who it really is – just another sick and arrogant bastard, whose belief system has been threatened by me in some way? Why, instead, does the damaged kid inside of me still internalize pain at times? Those who have gone through life as less than attractive, those who have served as a scapegoat in the family and those who have been repeatedly torn away from close relationships in their younger years are probably familiar with this anguish. It wears you down and if you are unable to resolve the torment, it can make you either very vulnerable or malicious – or both. I now understand why it was so easy for me to “fall in love” with anyone who showed kindness or who was able to see something beautiful in me. Unfortunately, this abnormal bonding would either scare away those who were sincerely decent or would be used by the unethical to take advantage of me, which only magnified my misery. It then became im...
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