Why does it still hurt after all these years? Why can’t the adult in me just see who it really is – just another sick and arrogant bastard, whose belief system has been threatened by me in some way? Why, instead, does the damaged kid inside of me still internalize pain at times? Those who have gone through life as less than attractive, those who have served as a scapegoat in the family and those who have been repeatedly torn away from close relationships in their younger years are probably familiar with this anguish.
It wears you down and if you are unable to resolve the torment, it can make you either very vulnerable or malicious – or both. I now understand why it was so easy for me to “fall in love” with anyone who showed kindness or who was able to see something beautiful in me. Unfortunately, this abnormal bonding would either scare away those who were sincerely decent or would be used by the unethical to take advantage of me, which only magnified my misery. It then became imperative that I show no weakness and stay on the offensive. I had to protect what little was left of me. Alas, this is the past and I regress.
Where are the truly strong people? Are there truly strong people? I’m not talking about those who can manipulate the minds of others. I’m talking about those who openly question the belief systems they were raised with, those who dare to step outside traditions, look objectively at themselves and so-called “taboos,” and research the secular statistics that are out there. Truly strong people are not threatened by disagreement and will often review possible flaws in their own thinking. This does not mean that they will “sell out” their values for acceptance, however. Where are those who have truly built a set of ethics out of reason and are not afraid to either review or stand by those ethics?
I am frustrated by the weakness of others. I am upset by the inability of some to simply stand by what they believe in the presence of those who differ. I get seriously pissed off by those who coerce or lash out at people with opposing points of view. I am bothered by folks who haven’t resolved their own torment (for whatever reason) and, instead, pass it on to others.
It wears you down and if you are unable to resolve the torment, it can make you either very vulnerable or malicious – or both. I now understand why it was so easy for me to “fall in love” with anyone who showed kindness or who was able to see something beautiful in me. Unfortunately, this abnormal bonding would either scare away those who were sincerely decent or would be used by the unethical to take advantage of me, which only magnified my misery. It then became imperative that I show no weakness and stay on the offensive. I had to protect what little was left of me. Alas, this is the past and I regress.
Where are the truly strong people? Are there truly strong people? I’m not talking about those who can manipulate the minds of others. I’m talking about those who openly question the belief systems they were raised with, those who dare to step outside traditions, look objectively at themselves and so-called “taboos,” and research the secular statistics that are out there. Truly strong people are not threatened by disagreement and will often review possible flaws in their own thinking. This does not mean that they will “sell out” their values for acceptance, however. Where are those who have truly built a set of ethics out of reason and are not afraid to either review or stand by those ethics?
I am frustrated by the weakness of others. I am upset by the inability of some to simply stand by what they believe in the presence of those who differ. I get seriously pissed off by those who coerce or lash out at people with opposing points of view. I am bothered by folks who haven’t resolved their own torment (for whatever reason) and, instead, pass it on to others.
Comments
Carol from Indiana
Your Friend in Spirit,
Ivey :D