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Pushed to the Breaking Point!

I have just been pushed to the breaking point.   It took the death of my ex-husband and friend, Tom, to cause it.   Now that he is gone, rumors his mother has spread about me over the years are being brought to my attention.   My ex mother-in-law is one of three things: delusional, a liar or a covert narcissist – I lean toward the latter. I was always baffled as to why NONE of my sibling-in-laws seemed to like me or were even rude to me.   One sister-in-law threw out all the baby clothes I sent her for her first born.   Another sister-in-law actually told me that maybe I was finally growing up or maturing when I shared a poem about the loss of my father.   There is no telling what the hell she has said to my daughter and son-in-law, who now live in California . . . and I fully believe it is her intention to turn my own grandchildren against me with time. For the record, Tom and I NEVER BORROWED ONE RED CENT from Mr. or Mrs. Almaraz while we were married.   We did not take hun
Recent posts

How to Embarrass an Intern

On Tuesday, September 5, I underwent a repeat right-side mammogram and mammary sonogram. As noted on previous films, a “faintly visible cluster of microcalcifications is seen in the upper outer quadrant” on breast x-ray. The sonogram showed “no evidence of mass.” So, I had my fingers crossed that the results were good enough to warrant the cancellation of the following week’s surgical consultation. There was no such luck. On September 13 (a hallowed number – only to be superseded by 666), I found myself being screened by a YOUNG surgical intern for a manual breast exam. (This guy couldn’t have been more than 24 years old.) After going through a series of standard medical questions, my hospital apprentice then informed me that he would be getting a female nurse to “chaperone” the physical inspection. I was getting burned out by the seriousness of my potential medical situation and decided it was time for some comic relief. So – using sarcasm concerning the need for a chaperone – I said

An Abnormal Mammogram

As soon as I returned home from a yearly mammogram three weeks ago, my doctor at the VA Hospital called the house. Dr. Balireddy said that my breast films were "inconclusive". As I had been called back into radiology for a repeat series on the right side, it was easy to figure out which hooter appeared suspicious. My physician then informed me that he had already submitted requests for consultations, one for a mammary sonogram (which will be performed this Tuesday) and another with a surgical oncologist (for a biopsy, I guess). My mother was diagnosed early and began treatment for breast cancer a little over a year ago. This blog just might be a good way for me to let folks know what this process is like . . .

Midnight Rantings of an Insomniac

Why does it still hurt after all these years? Why can’t the adult in me just see who it really is – just another sick and arrogant bastard, whose belief system has been threatened by me in some way? Why, instead, does the damaged kid inside of me still internalize pain at times? Those who have gone through life as less than attractive, those who have served as a scapegoat in the family and those who have been repeatedly torn away from close relationships in their younger years are probably familiar with this anguish. It wears you down and if you are unable to resolve the torment, it can make you either very vulnerable or malicious – or both. I now understand why it was so easy for me to “fall in love” with anyone who showed kindness or who was able to see something beautiful in me. Unfortunately, this abnormal bonding would either scare away those who were sincerely decent or would be used by the unethical to take advantage of me, which only magnified my misery. It then became im

Celebrate Imbolg!

It’s Candlemas, the Feast of Lights! Below the earth, they loom - Fetal fairies, greenery sprites, Now stirring in the womb. Though grass is brown and branches bare, Under the ground is life - The answer to our winter prayer, An end to cold and strife. It’s Candlemas, the Feast of Lights - Put on a crown of fire! Deosil dancing, Rune recites, Build the power higher. Young beings bide beneath the snow, Maturing into Spring. Anticipate this fresh regrow. Harken back the living! Copyright ©2006 Vivian G. Harriman

Yule's Transformation

The Sun grows old. His fervor spent. Sol’s weakened rays now fade. How beautiful His last glow sent Of amethyst and jade! As prism colors wilt to night, Revealing the demise, Earth grieves the Matriarch of Light. Devoid of warmth, She cries. In darkness, Gaia’s tears of mourn Transform to labor pain. A solar son will soon be born To bring forth warmth, again. Late morning brings maternal bliss, An infant sparks the day. Behold, a babe of luminous, To melt the frost away. Copyright ©2005 Vivian G. Harriman
The Winter Solstice draws near . . . 
*Red Oak Leaf in Freezing Rain*